Forcing Intimacy Too Soon

Forcing Intimacy too Soon (Or rather, Forcing a Committed Relationship Too Soon)manlovingawoman-yourlovetips-com

I find it so interesting that men try to push themselves on women, who is not quite ready to be involved in a romantic or serious way. Perhaps the woman recently got out of a relationship, and just would like a friend, maybe a lover, but not quite a serious relationship. It irks me to no end when these guys just throw themselves on a woman, and she has all her walls up, is still working through the pain from the relationship before, and then he gets angry, demanding or feels like she’s rejecting him when she made it utterly clear, she was not ready.

I call this bad boundaries or lack of compatibility. Come on guys! Give her a chance to at least move on. And, if she’s still with the guy, you’re most surely going to be disappointed. Don’t force her when she hasn’t even begun to let go.

I’ve had friend after friend, who originally said they could be friends, but then along the line they fell in love with me, and then made me wrong that I was still in love with someone else. “Hello!!!! I already told you!” It’s as though they thought I would change my mind, or I would magically have let him go, my heart be blasted open, and just jump into the game of another serious relationship right away. Perhaps some women can do this, but I cannot. And I find it utterly distasteful that some men expect a woman to just get on with it, and move on right away.

Perhaps those who have the ability to do this, weren’t in fact in love with their previous partner at all. And, for them, it is much easier. And, maybe, if she’s not wanting you, perhaps your aggressiveness in the matter is what is causing her distaste. A woman needs time, she is a gentle flower, and needs her petals to be opened lovingly, with kindness and softness. When she is ready, she’ll know!

This makes sense as to why a woman who was so deeply in love with a man, where they split up, spent months and months apart, and one or both of them tried to be involved with someone else, but in fact, they were still in love with each other. And, then the new person (people) come along and try to force them to fall in love. They’re totally turned off by the force and aggressiveness. And, then time rolls around the clock and their true beloved comes back again, and they are able to easily jump into each others hearts again too. Because during their separation, the people around them, didn’t support them to grieve. All they felt was annoyance and desire to keep distant from the new people, because they needed time. I get it now. i totally get it.

So couples that break up and get back together over and over again, repeat the cycle often, because their support system wasn’t that supportive, and they never had a chance to fully let go.

We all need friends, and affection when we’re grieving and healing from the loss of a loved one, but we certainly don’t need force. And, in time, the heart does open again (with a little extra support from conscious friends, community, healing and love).

(Inspired from multiple friends who were a little too aggressive and needy with me, and my love for New Moon; a movie where the guy friend got utterly jealous and demanding when the main character, Bella, was obviously in love with someone else).


Polyamory and Marriage: When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

Polyamory and Marriage - when you want your husband and someone else shows upWhen You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows Up. This is the pitfall of many relationships. A woman is craving connection with the man she loves, and what happens is that her man is unavailable. He’s busy or preoccupied, or his interest has dwindled and he has other concerns and things he wants to focus on. She’s deeply saddened and desperate to gain his attention, but he’s always somewhere else, emotionally or physically.

In a Polyamorous Marriage this is perfectly fine. There is an agreement between both partners that they are allowed to be with other lovers, so long as the structure of the relationship is maintained. However, if the foundation of the marriage is rocky, or there has been very little connection, intimacy and commitment between the two partners, straying from the marriage can feel like cheating, or in Christian terms “committing adultery”.

When you’re in love with your husband (or significant beloved) and there is no intimacy, your heart tears up inside. You want his commitment. You want his willingness to do what it takes to be there for you, stay by your side and give you his all! But when you have waited and waited for him to show up in this way, and all of a sudden someone else shows up, most of the time, it is like God giving you the gift you have been waiting for! You fall prey to this new amazing being that you are so deeply drawn to, and your wish has been granted. Then the big question is: what do you do next? Do you continue to wait for the man you deeply love, or do you continue to fall into the arms of another? How long are you truly willing to wait? If waiting is putting your life on hold, perhaps waiting is not what your supposed to be doing anyway. Perhaps, you ARE supposed to be enjoying life and just surrender to what life gives you!

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Intimacy to Healing

It is a beaIntimacy to Healingutiful experience when one can allow themselves the pleasure of pure and innocent connection, love, holding and cuddling! Sometimes new energy opens, expands, clears and heals in this innocent encounter. Cuddling with a stranger is a beautiful thing, but cuddling with someone you love, feel deeply safe with, connected and care for is a whole different experience. Perhaps your Beloved, your husband or wife in sharing this cuddling is an ultimate high, to allow your heart to flow back to its true fluidity, and open up to intimacy, sensuality and sexuality. In this, sex can become a gentle, tantric, healing experience!

I love when my heart opens after deep energetic cuddling and connection! I love when my energy lifts, clears, and is filled with divine sacred union. I am grateful for the awareness of this energy, and the love within my heart!

Who have you cuddled with lately?

What have you gotten out of its experience?

Have you cuddled with a friend, a lover, a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife?

How did this make you feel?

Did it open you up to deeper intimacy with someone else, your significant other, husband/wife?

Did it warm your heart and make you feel more connected to the universe/appreciation?

I’d love to hear what it created for you, and how it inspired you! Please use this blog as a means to write for yourself!

Blessings and Namaste,


Tantra Bloggers and Writers

tantra bloggers and writersTantra Bloggers and Writers, and Tantra Readers, of course!!!!

To any of you who are bloggers out there: do you find it interesting, that when you blog to one audience, you tend to write in a certain way, and when you blog to a difference audience, you write in another? For example, when I wrote in (or HERE, I write sexy articles, juicy pieces on love, intimacy, romance, tantric awakening, etc., and when I write to my new blog site, I actually write about the core of what Tantra truly is, and when I write to my blog, I write solely about healing, yoga, intuitive experiences and emotional healing. And, while I’m on a roll, when I write to my blog for women, it is just that, a blog for issues related to women! (

So when I return here, even just looking at the blog, and being here, the energy is filled with excitement. It raises an energy that feels fulfilling, eluminating, inspiring and empowering. I may just want to make some changes after all! (Delete moon fruit’s site, and consider renaming back to…just a thought. However, when I’m here, I want to share about some sexy happenings, or potential sexual happenings.

So what are some sexy things you have done lately? Or, what are some sexy things you’re thinking of doing, want to do, or would love to make different in your life? A new lover perhaps, a new romantic vacation, to take your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/partner on an anniversary dinner or get-away? Or perhaps rent a cabin and join some friends on a double or triple date? I’d love to hear some things you’re up to, and please don’t be shy!!!!


(PS. check out my new blogs listed above)

Take Time to Love Him

eye gazing

Do you make the time to be alone with your beloved husband or boyfriend (or girlfriend if you a lesbian)? Do you create quality time despite the fact that you have a job, or a family, or a career, are self employed, need to go grocery shopping, do the laundry, meet with your girlfriends and relax just to be with you, or any other number of reasons you would keep distant from the most important person in your life? And speaking of reasons, we ALL have plenty of reasons for being alone, for being single, for creating separation or distance from our loved ones, but we ALSO have many reasons for choosing to create connection with them as well.

Perhaps you’re angry at your partner, or ex, and you are now choosing to hold onto resentment because you don’t trust anymore, or you are wallowing in self pity, perhaps you’re blaming them for your problems, or all your friends cheer you on that he/she was the asshole! Whoohoo, let’s bash down our most precious partner to make us feel justified that we were right. That feels OH so good! BullS!!!! Do you really want to be putting down the one person you are more connected to in your heart? Does it truly make you feel good about yourself that you’re pulling away because you’re angry? And perhaps, just perhaps they aren’t even angry at you at all. It’s you who has the anger or resentment in your heart. And that truly does just eat away at you. You can be filled by the energy of anger for months and even years, and it surely will give you lots of energy to continue to put down any potential of connection or love, but the rewards are SO much greater when you can shift and transcend this energy into forgiveness and then love, and allow this same person you have deeply cared about all this time back into your heart!

When you take the time to love the person you LOVE, what will you receive:

  • A knowing of forgiveness and an opening in your heart
  • The potential of falling in love all over again!
  • Peace of mind, joy and serenity
  • bliss
  • the return of GREAT sex
  • more energy to do the things you WANT and need to do
  • understanding of each other on a greater level
  • a best friend
  • knowing yourself at a greater level
  • better sleep
  • a calm mind
  • a sense of ease and satisfaction
  • LOVE!!!!

When you take the time to love the most important person in your life, you’re not only giving him/her the greatest gift, you’re also giving it to yourself as it returns back to you MULTIPLIED!!!!

I honor and celebrate all who can fall in love over and over and over again, or those who want to experience this to know IT IS possible in any moment. It’s your choice! Always, always choose love! It’s the greatest gift of all! And right now in our world, love is the greatest treasure to behold and the gift that will allow us to continue to shine! WE are our future, and our future is NOW! Choose love, and love will choose you!

Blessings and love and Namaste~ and Vote on Relationship and Couples blog name!

Blessings beautiful beings,

I am taking votes for this blog. Although I have already added the name to, I have owned that name for several years and it was actually the name I plan on using for a radio show. Whats next for this blog is links to my new ebooks (once they’re complete), a link to a live radio show (coming soon), videos and my own podcasts. The focus of this blog IS for relationship and intimacy Coaching and THEN once those things are restored and healed, having GREAT sex! Any feedback is appreciated!

So these are the names best narrowed down:




Pulling Passion Out of a Hat

Where does passion come from? What do you do with it when it overwhelms you? But more importantly, how to you access it when it is in hiding?

When passion disappears, what do you focus on? How do you regain the joy and pleasure in your relationships if no passion exists between you and your Beloved?

Sometimes, and most often, passion sizzles after it has peaked to its high with an affair, and especially with those people we love oh so much and see sometimes more often than our spirits perhaps want to. It is our hearts that want them around, but in the hanging around, the energy sizzles, the spark, as they say, runs out, and the drive to be together can disappear overnight!

When you’re in love with your husband or wife, and you wish to remain in love with them, it is almost crucial to make a date night (or day) with them to keep the sizzle high! That sizzle is what drives us, it moves us and excites our juices to be with them, and to be with them again and again! We can forget the importance of someone in our lives when you see them often, and you can definitely forget what it feels like to be touched, caressed and fondled by their flesh!

Every single part of our bodies have desire in them and the ability for passion and pleasure. The simplest touch on a face, or pressure on an arm can arouse desires forgotten and misplaced for mundane habits in the home or workplace.  When you want to turn that heat on, try teasing your lover! Remind them of your sensual power. Remind them that you truly can turn them on! AND, remind yourself you can turn yourself on too! Sometimes, in order to turn on someone else, you must turn on yourself first! And sometimes to turn on yourself, you must remember who you are, and what matters to you, and that your luscious body deserves to be touched, pampered and caressed with love! Your lover is waiting for you and your heart is always ready to be filled; even if you forget that it is there! It surely is!

Asttarte Deva:

This amazing woman speaks to my heart now, as I contemplate a piece of writing gifted from the divine, to offer my prayers of love to you!

Originally posted on paganspathway:

Understanding, this is what many of us wish to gain. We wish to understand life and all that it has to offer, we want to understand love, and we learn to understand why bad things happen in the world.

Living without understanding leaves many people afraid because the unknown is one of the most terrifying concepts of this world. Not knowing what’s next, not knowing which step to take, and not being sure of your own emotions.

We fear what we do not understand. We search for answers outside of us. “Why did this happen?” “Who/what is responsible?” As we search for these answers we lose sight of what really matters. Love, the God and Goddess, our families, and ultimately we lose ourselves.

Many times in life we forget that understanding is within us all, we simply have to find the will to access it. Since we don’t understand ourselves…

View original 430 more words

Celebrating Spiritual Relationship


Today I want to talk about Spiritual Relationship and what that means. I’m sure many of you have an understanding on some level of what spiritual relationship means to you, and perhaps you already have a beautiful relationship where you surrender to the others feelings and moments as they show up, but there are fewer people who are in long term relationships and in love than there are those who feel separate, distant and alone.


When you were in love, and a relationship was new, do you remember how you used to put your beloveds feelings first, and you really listened and made sure you did what you knew would make them happy? Perhaps you practiced a little more self love and perhaps even, gave a little more of yourself, were more patient and understanding and accepted your new lovers pros and cons a little better.  Perhaps all the upsets and triggers didn’t exist to you then, and you were just in the state of bliss and the euphoria of “new love”!

Well, what happens after this new glow is gone? What do you do to regain the feeling of love, and bring back the state of bliss and joy when your heart sang in the beginning of a new relationship? Do you still give your lover gifts for no reason? Do you still dress in the way you know he or she would absolutely adore? Do you still wear clothes that you know would turn him or her on? Do you still surprise your lover just because you want to see him/her? Do you send your love notes or gifts in the mail that would drop their jaw? Do you make date nights/days where NO ONE can disturb you, and you have time to be alone to do what makes the BOTH of you happy?

When a relationship is old, perhaps distant or sour, try re-creating a new meaning for the relationship and change the way you see it; change the boundaries and let go of what you were holding on to. Change the expectations and surrender your heart to your Beloved. Notice your anger, your disappointment or your sadness, and do YOUR inner work to change yourself; rather than trying to change the situation, or worse, the other person.

Do you have a spiritual practice you can do to help you in your heart, to clear your energetic space, or your inner world? Try on a new meditation practice, a simple breathing meditation or a simple mantra practice; something you can do on a DAILY basis that will help you to come back to your heart EVERY time you notice your heart is getting hard or filling with anything other than love! You might notice your life change and you might just fall in love with your Beloved all over again!

How To Turn on Your Lover!!!

When you look your partner straight in the eye and tell them you want them, their heart may melt with agony and desire.

Gently touching their shoulder as you walk by and direct your energy toward them with love and passion.

Whispering in their ear when talking to them, rather than speaking loudly across the room.

Taking their fingers in your own, and kissing them, ever so softly.

Surprisingly holding their hand, while you are walking somewhere together, or in the midst of a deep conversation.

Placing your hands on their belly and pressing your hands firmly tilted upward, while standing in a room, perhaps a meeting, or somewhere where other people are around.

Sneaking out together and jumping in the car to a woods spot, or running to one while at your mother in law’s house with your kids (leaving them there of course and where they are big enough to be left alone for a half an hour).

Spontaneously getting a hotel room with room service of all your delectable treats!

Laying on a blanket outside under the moon.

Abruptly grabbing your lovers head with your fingers brushing through their hair and pulling their face toward you, and then walking away.

Taking two hands each to the side of your lovers face and pulling him or her towards you and kissing them, so so gently.

Telling your lover you love them “no matter what!”

Making eye contact, often!

Moving slowly, often!

Surprise them with something they love; for no reason!

More to come!

Asttarte's Relationship & Tantra Blog: Psychic Intuitive Energy Healer, Sex, Relationship & Empowerment Life Coaching & Tantra Psychotherapy with Asttarte Deva ~ Author ~ Reiki Master Healer ~ Coach, Goddess, Contact Asttarte 631-913-8572


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